Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Dementor's Song

If the day is looking grey,
Don't worry no more, I say
It's the dementors
They are floating in sky.

They are black and quite smoky
Shrouded in a cape a li'l cocky.
And their skin is wrinkled
To a point beyond repair.

They cause a lot of gloom
Makes you think you're headin' to doom
But that's not to say
They are the ones to pay.

It's their characteristic trait
That they trouble you sans respite
But the witches and the wizards
Sure got a way.

Pick up your magic wand,
To do that sleight of your hand
And kill the glum
Shout Expecto Patronum!

The silver light that springs out
If a unicorn, you deserve a lout
But it does the trick
If you even cast a crick.

So there you see my folks
That dementors are no hoax.
Look around you
Now you know why it is so blue.

Now you know how to treat 'em
Not by force or by your cloak's hem
But with magic watch the day
As it turns... so... bright.... AGAIN!

Monday, August 24, 2009

a very small review of 'Wake Up Sid' soundtrack

I loved all the songs. There are not many. Five I can count on one hand and another club mix I can count on the other. That's six songs.

So this is not a review. 'coz I loved all the songs. This is gonna be 'the one part that made the song for me' note about each song.

Here goes.

Wake Up Sid
The delicate strumming of the guitar

Kya Karoon
The finger snapping. Most evident at the beginning of the song

Aaj Kal Zindagi
Again, the delicate strum of the guitar that floats over the entire song

The rhythmic use of the word Iktara. Ik-Ta-Ra-Ik-Ta-Ra.

Life is Crazy
The metronome that keeps ticking in the background

Wake Up Sid (Club Mix)
The clock that keeps ticking in the background. Haha!

Well that's it. A nice and short review (I hope) of a nice and short album. Give it a listen. It's been playing here since morning.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Third Eye Blind

'The Grate Gambular'

Stuff like these, written behind autorickshaws, makes me wish my cellphone's camera was working. On a similar note, here's something I had taken more than a year back but hadn't posted. This is Hyderabad, though.

What's bad for the afternoon?

Whisky -- and neat. Really, really bad. Where's a can of beer when one wants it?

I hate dry days. (Dry days - days when you cannot get any booze)

An elusive search has landed on the phone number of someone who can deliver beer at your door step. Now I have to find enough people to dutch in so we can get a good deal.

Thinking this must be an easy deal? Surprisingly (shockingly, in fact) it ain't. Not with an uninterested bunch. A teetotaler brother doesn't help much either. Someone should be able to help me.

Someone....... someone, like you!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Like It Matters

For the nineteenth time of the day, he looked up at the cloudless sky.

It's been the same from the morning -- grey and dull. 7'o clock looked like 7'o clock. 10'o clock looked like 7'o clock. So did 11 and 12 noon. 2'o clock in the afternoon still looked like 7'o clock. And things weren't different at 5 or 6 in the evening either. In short, time came to a halt at the dreariest of hours.

He went back to sleep. That must be an overstatement. He tried to go back to sleep. Actually, he hadn't slept a second in the last four days and three nights. Not that it was uncommon for him. Such bouts of sleeplessness regularly haunted him.

But this time was different. His loneliness compounded the stress. His roommate was no longer there. Not that it really helped him in getting sleep, but somehow the presence was rather comforting. Can't blame him either. Why wouldn't someone want to go for a week long trip to Manali with their girlfriend?

His roommate had invited him, but he turned it down. Why? He liked self-flagellation -- of an emotional kind. He believed that such torture helps him recover from much greater heartbreaks. And he had a lot of those. And he didn't want to suffer those anymore. And he wasn't gonna stop risking another relation so he could escape from such torture either. The best of two things often gets you in a ditch. But he was willing to climb.

He pulled the curtains tight. The damned light still managed to somehow wriggle its way through sides unreachable for the curtain. He wished he had one of those thick iron shutters to pull down.

He flopped down onto the bed. He felt that the coil inside the mattress sprang up to pierce his back. The feeling was so real, he got up from the bed. He ran his palm over the mattress for the fifth time that day. No. It was all his imagination. He tried to convince himself.

He flopped down onto the bed -- again. Masturbation is supposed to help you get sleep. Will it work now? It didn't work the last five times. He was willing to try again. He pulled the laptop close to him and switched it on. Its bright screen melted his pupils. Argh. He squinted. He typed the url into the browser and waited for the page to load. His loins ached as the pictures on the screen started working his hormones.

Half an hour later, he was still awake.

Now what? TV? Music? Books?

He picked up the magazine lying next to him. He'd already read it thrice. Another time should not hurt. Especially if he could get some sleep. He picked up the magazine and realised why he hated it the last two times. Its frame always collapsed. What was it made of? Banana skins? He folded the magazine by four and started reading the editorial. It sure was boring, but not really soporific.

He picked himself up from the bed mouthing inanities. His living room was clean, but not exactly comfortable. For start, his furniture was cane. Still, he managed to crumble his 6ft frame into the 4ft wide sofa. He switched the TV on. Click. Not interesting. Click. Not interesting. Click. Not interesting. Click. Not interesting. Not feeling sleepy, either. His eyes grew tired, but not in a way that put him to sleep.

He went back to the bed. Now what? He picked up his laptop again. If he wasn't getting any sleep, might as well do something useful -- he thought. He opened his blog and started writing a new post. What should the title be? Like it matters. That's not a bad title. 'Like It Matters' -- he typed. And then he started writing about his evening, the cloudless sky and everything.

Wow, that worked! He thought as he woke up the next day. He took another look at the post he wrote and published it.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Showing the way

(Phone ringing)

Will (receives the call):
Good morning. Distress call services. How are you distressed?

Jack (over the phone):
I'm stuck!

Well I see. What exactly are you stuck to, Mister....

I'm not stuck to anything. I am stuck. As in lost.

(sigh) My condolences. But I have to follow the protocol. Your name please.

Jack. Jack Ferries.

I didn't get that. You are on a ferry or are you ferrying people?

No! Ferry's my name!

So, Jack Ferry. Have you called us before?

Yes. Now can I know the direction to...

Will (interrupts):
Our database doesn't show any records of such a call Mr.Jack. Are you sure you called from exactly this number?

I don't know. Maybe I used my friend's number.

You remember the friend's name?

I think it's Melissa.

And what's her number?

I don't remember.

Can you check that for me, please?

You are crazy! I am stuck here in a downpour. I am lost. And I am looking for directions. And you are asking me for my friend's number?

Like I said. Protocols.

Ok... hold on... it is......

Narrator (comes out of nowhere):
Before some of you desperate ones head off to call this number, know that all this is a figment of the writer's imagination. There will not be any Melissa on the other end unless you are really, really lucky.

(pause) Now wait... (dials the number)

(after a while) We can confirm now that, no matter how lucky you are, you cannot dial the number and get Melissa on the other end.

What was that?

Space filler. So... where exactly are you stuck, Mr. Ferry?

I'm stuck at St.James' Park.

Aha... and where do you wanna go?

Romilly Street.

Can you hold on for a second while we check it on our system?

"As they held on for a second"

Narrator (out of nowhere):
Now. The black bunny really did not exist. It was but a formulation of the idiosyncrasies of the 18th century feudal system. Where they called the feudal landlords 'black bunnies'. Bunnies, because they ate into the produce of hardworking farmers. And black, because they were evil. Religious symbolism always associated black with evil. Except in Hindu mythology, where Lord Shiva and Krishna are dark blue, or almost, black in colour, even while being a 'holy' concept.

Mr. Ferry? Are you still there?

Jack (sneezing):
Oh yeah I am. But I'm not mighty happy about it.

Well... we do have the map open now at St. James' Park. Now.... where did you say you have to go again?

Romilly Street.

Ok.... Romi...ll...eeee street.... yep found it! Are you looking straight at a big pin? almost at the center of the road. It's named 'The Mall'.

A big pin on the middle of the road??????

Yes. That's what the map shows. It's a big pin, with an oval head. Red in colour. Dull red rather. With a pristine white centre.

I don't see no pin. But I do see a mall ahead.

Well, what do I say. You can test your luck, I guess.

Ok. I am near the mall. Now what?

If you look eastwards you must see a yellow road.

Road sign you mean.

No. A yellow road. It must be completely yellow. Nothing else.

No black tar?

No black tar.

No white stripes on the middle?

No white stripes. It's a yellow road.

You gotta be kidding me. Look mister. This is not funny. I am near the mall. There's a shop here named 'Lille's'.

A little shop?

No. Lille. As in L-I-double L-E.

Wait. Let me just zoom in here. I am afraid we do not have information from this height. Would you like a complimentary cookie from Cookie Monster?

So you mean all this trouble was for nothing?

Well, if that's what you think about our exciting offer, then I have to agree, Mr. Ferry.

What a waste of time and effort....

Will (scoffing):
Hmm.. tell that to the jackass who's writing all this.

Narrator, Will and Jack (together):

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

A Small Blue Place

"It's blue. And quite small. Does the database have anything on it?" wondered Danube more to himself than Freeng.

Freeng's sixth tentacle (what they called habiosporad) was fiddling away inside a transparent green orb made of wax. From the center of the orb sprang up words and numbers of bright purple and attached itself on the surface. It formed words and sentences, probably entire essays -- but in an alien script.

"Earth," said Freeng, his smoky grey eyes gleaming with a green hue. "Inhabited. Formation: 4.5 billion years ago."

"What's a billion?" asked Danube curiously, his face still stuck to the window of their vessel.

"Well. I don't know really. The place is not on our database. I got this signal from something called w.i.k.i.p.e.d.i.a. Seems to have a lot of information about this Earth place."

"Is it the same guys who sent the first message?"

"No. That was. H.e.i.n.e.k.e.n. They seem to make some kind of elixir. It's golden. Look."

Danube shouldered closer to Freeng, his eyes fixed on the surface of the orb. On it was the picture of a glass of golden brew, patterned with silver bubbles on the sides.

"Looks good, doesn't it?" Danube quipped. "Maybe we should sample this to Cranel. I am sure Glofilia will..."

He was interrupted by a buzz, as the lights inside the vessel started blinking.

"Demascus save us! The autopilot's switched off! There seems to be a clutter in front. And we are fast approaching," exclaimed Freeng.

"Put the support factor on. I am taking controls."

Danube was quick into action.

"Brine my big runt! What in Cranel are these?"

They were looking at a space debris. Thousands of satellites dumped into the gravity-less space. Just floating around, unclaimed and unwanted.

Freeng and Danube's head craned to the left as the vessel steered cleared of an approaching metal.

"Don't they know the rules? They should have sent signs. And instead they send elixirs. What a stupid, selfish bunch!"

Danube was losing it and quickly. His ear was turning blue. It didn't look good against his light brown skin. In Cranel it is not supposed to be a good sign. It is almost offensive. Craneloos wear a shield over their ears when they work in hazardous situations. In such places it was common for the life rate of the Craneloo to reach such high levels that their ears turned blue.

The only reason Danube wasn't wearing the shield was well, there were only two of them. And they were comfortable, physically; being in the vessel for years together.

"I'm sorry about that." Danube explained to Freeng. His ear was now back to the usual light brown.

"That was crazy wasn't it," said Freeng as he settled back into his co-pilot's chair.

"I was beginning to think this was a kinda good looking place. I must think otherwise now."

"Let's not get into such early conclusions. Remember Yuteria? Looked horrendous first didn't it?"

"At least they had proper alarm signs on," mumbled Danube.

"Yeah. Even then. It looked rotten from the outside. But the people were quite nice. You were getting quite friendly with one hocky looking Yuterian."

"Velina," sighed Danube and his eyes gazed out dreamily. Greeting it was a sight of the blue planet. "This Earth place. It looks rather cold. Why don't we go back to Yuteria?"

"You know Haman's orders. We cannot track back. The goal set to us was gan planets. And we are still at ryut."

Danube looked dejected. Add to it the memories of Velina and he felt miserable inside. Freeng saw his mate's worry.

"Maybe there's a sweet human being waiting for you here."

"Hunag what?"

"Hyu-mahn be-ing."

"Hu-mang buh-ing? Is that what they call the creatures here? I am telling you, this sounds like a terrible place."

"We'll see in a while, won't we?"

"Are you telling me we are touching down here?" asked Danube, now looking perplexed at the audacity of the option.

"Haman's orders Dan," replied Freeng.

"Haman haman. What has he ever..."

"Careful Dan. This might be recorded."

Danube fell silent. Danube was from the Crothilian sect of Cranel. Haman's party failed badly in the elections in Crothilia. There was a huge tussle as Haman's aides wanted to take revenge at Crothilians. It was rumoured that about a hundred Crothilians lost their lives. After this incident, Haman took over the military of Cranel and revolted against the then prime Carnelian, Marnagia, overthrowing her finally.

Danube's thoughts were interrupted by a slight whir from the tail of the vessel.

"I am setting the coordinates," informed Freeng as he fed in the new destination. Danube could feel the vessel swerving to the left.

"Ok. Put self-fly off. I will take the controls." Danube's voice failed in showing any enthusiasm.

The small, blue planet was becoming bigger and bigger. Tufts of green sprang up from the otherwise radiant blue. Patches of browns formed, as if the blue and the green of the surface was getting corroded at places.

"Nugit bedits to air scratches," commanded Freeng.

"Gan, mut, benda, nugen, ryut, kadli, wing, beng, ugo."

"Surface wetting released," informed Danube, hitting a small patch of silver in the controls in front of him.

"Arrival steps have started," said Freeng and he took his tentacles off the controls.

Freeng and Danube slumped back, their eyes screwed at the sight unfolding in front of them.

The greens and browns started getting sparer. The blue hung in front of them like a curtain. It moved gently to the tunes of an unknown conductor.

"I see another surface change," said Freeng as he leaned forward to look at the orb.

"Will our wetting hold in the new surface?" asked Danube.

"Hmm... I think it should. Brace tight. We are almost there."

And with that the vessel plunged into the water making barely any splash. Even the ripples didn't last more than seconds against the waves of the ocean.

Inside the vessel, Freeng and Danube sat dumbstricken against the vision unfolding in front of their eyes. There were bright splashes of yellows and reds, framed against a magnificent dark blue background. Danube craned his eyes upward to see a majestic green light hovering above. His ear turned pink.

"I see that you've already started liking it," remarked Freeng. "And you still haven't found your Velina yet."

"Freeng. We are approaching surface," noticed Danube, taking his eyes off the splendid sights and concentrating on the panel in front.

"We are set for vessel exit, Dan."

Even Freeng's ear turned pink as he un-safed himself from the seat. Danube followed his actions. After adjusting the pressure inside the vessel to match that of outside, Freeng released the exit latch.

The door dropped open as some bubbles escaped from the tiny cavities on its sides. Freeng and Danube floated out from vessel. Their tentacles floated around their streamlined body. Their feet joined together to take the shape of a tail fin.

"By Brine! This is just like Cranel!" exclaimed Danube.

"Yeah. It sure feels the same. I think it's a little warmer."

"Where are the hunug begums?"

"Human beings, Dan. And I don't know. I couldn't really see how they looked even. Thanks to that junk they have kept around the planet."

"I see some people coming our way," said Dan pointing ahead.

From the bleak blue of the depths of ocean were floating a number of dark bodies. Their features were still unclear as the haze was rather thick at these depths.

As they came closer, their features became apparent. They had a pale silver skin. Smooth, with no hairy growth. They didn't have any limbs, except for their fins. Their nose was pointed and their eyes formed a small black dot. Three slits on each side, marked where they breathed in and out.

"Hello." greeted Danube. "How are you folks? Hunag begi..."

"Human beings?" corrected Freeng.

A particularly slender one from the group came closer to Freeng and Danube. It screeched. The creature had pearly white teeth that slanted to form really sharp incisors and a pale red gums.

"Scimilion your name? I am Danube. You can call me Dan. I must say you have a beautiful smile."

Freeng flicked around towards Danube.

"Looks like you've already found your Velina," said Freeng coyly.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Dumb Thing

I watch porn for sex education

I do dumb things for fun

I bark at dogs thinkin’ I’ll get a boner

I do dumb things for fun

I say yes when they ask me for my sex

I do dumb things for fun

I’m writin’ this even when I’ve topped in Physics

Coz I do dumb things for fun.